Me (36M) and wife (36F) are having lot of arguments lately.

2022.01.19 14:21 ankit113 Me (36M) and wife (36F) are having lot of arguments lately.

We have been married for 10 years and have 2 boys aged 7 and 2 now. Considering the impact it will have on the kids, I don’t want to go straight to a divorce. Now I know that it’s better to co-parent instead of raising kids in an abusive household but still, I would prefer to not let my kids go under the divorced parents pressure. I am aware of instances where younger kids get under the impression that it’s somehow their fault and there is no way in world that I would allow that to happen.
I believe I am being emotionally abused by my wife. Some of her behavioral traits has even lead me to believe that my wife has NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder). If you can, please help with your thoughts:

  1. If there is something that she wants to talk about, I need to give her full attention that I usually do while talking to anyone. If I am discussing something with her that does not concern “her” or is not about “her”, she would interrupt me in between by instructing about something non-urgent to the kids or will focus her attention on the phone.
  2. If anything goes wrong, it’s never her fault. My best expectation is that it’s ”our” mistake even if I didn’t have an iota of input in the task. Otherwise, 99% of the time, it’s somebody else’s fault or mine. Her summarized viewpoint is that everyone is living the best life except her. Only her problems are real.
  3. She is a big time liar. At times, I have seen her deleting texts/photos that were previously there for no reason and sometimes, if this is anything mean being said about my family.
  4. Never ever in years of our marriage, she apologized to me for anything. I used to say sorry for my mistakes but I have stopped doing it too.
  5. She is proud of her social circle but constantly says mean words about my friends. They’re worthless and useless.
  6. Not friendly to pets at all. She has never helped to clean the fish tank and have called me from work if a sick fish died instead of just taking it out. If it’s her pain, it biggest in the world. If someone else’s, it’s drama and nothing else.
  7. She listens to other people and keep beating me up for it. For instance, she heard of someone in our social circle making some money on AMC stock. And she kept telling me that I am not capable of taking risk. While my investment portfolio is fairly diverse and contains both crypto as well as stocks. But she won't put effort to understand that. I told her that she should start doing it too by opening her own account, follow news and invest. But of course, she didn’t do any of that.
  8. Ever since we have been married, she kept beating me verbally saying mean words like this is not my home, you got my last name changed during arguments. I did not any of this forcefully of course. I didn’t abduct her to marry nor I made any threats to get her name changed. These words have always hurt me deep. Once, I was fed up and told her to leave if this was not her home. That was in second or third year of our marriage and that was the first time, she responded with no it’s my home too. Stubborn!
  9. She is smart enough to resolve every possible argument or to not raise a new one if we have to go somewhere to visit her friends or family. She will come to me and will talk sweetly and everything. But she won’t let me do the same if the visit is with someone I am related to. She would rather manufacture an argument on purpose. Last time I remember, she got mad over the fact that I was talking to my sister (she talks to her family every single day to which I have no issues at all) which was completely uncalled for. I believe she only did it because my Dad was coming to visit us next morning.
  10. Sex – it must be done when she initiates it. And if I want to do it or if I am doing it if she is not in mood, she acts like a dead fish waiting for me to ejaculate so she can push me off her. At times, she has pushed me if I try to kiss or fondle her without any thought about my feelings. Now, it has come to the point where we do it only if she initiates it. Otherwise, I feel I am done getting insulted over sex by her.
I think she likes it when I am not in my usual self and stressed over these pity fights. I believe that’s because it gives her a sense of power. For many years, I tried to do everything possible in my power to get her to change a little and accept me as a person. I hardly made an issue for anything and always tried to calm the situation if the argument was between us or between her and anybody in my family.
But over the years, I developed an understanding that she has considered me a wimp since I do not give her back fair and square. So eventually, I started to raise my voice at times. Once she made a scene in public with me acting mad and pulling leaves out of plants while we were outside a park and my family was inside. I had to leave from there but I told her that if she repeated this behavior one more time, she will see my ugly side next time her family is around. She used to hurl abuses at my family but stopped when I did the same.
Now I feel our relation has become a boxing match where we are constantly hitting verbally on each other. Worse that I have felt is that my nature has been altered from happy, go-lucky to a bitter person. You can’t be an asshole to just one person. It just envelopes your personality and is not avoidable at all.
Couple of nights ago, we just sat on the bed and started talking and I don’t even remember how things started turning down south and the discussion resulted in an argument. Now, it has come to the point where I feel more content & relaxed during the days of silence means when she is not talking to me. Now, I may sound like an asshole but I actually get a lot of stuff done during that time. Yesterday, she accused me of spending all the time on phone and
In my view, she is like a child who never grew up, I am not sure of there is a term for that. Sorry if this sounds like a rant and not a question. I just want to get thoughts here first before I make a call to go for counseling.
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Good day everyone!
Our server Saving Private Tryin is looking for more players for our community. We host every other Saturday at 16:00 PM GMT. People from all levels of experience with multiplayer are welcome (the only condition is to be polite!). Historical games are the most often hosted kinds of games, however, we also sometimes host Alt-history roleplay, WW1 and other modded games.
The community also actively plays other games which are in the same/similar genre of Hoi4.
The next game will be played this Saturday (Tomorrow, 22nd of January) at 16:00 GMT! Keep in mind you will most likely play a minor nation for your first time.
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Regards,
Tuljan
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